Farewell Part 2

 I am crying now because of a simple sentence. 

I just finished my speaking course when my teacher said I had determination as a learner. She explained to me that I had a good will to ensure my pronunciation after she gave the example, repeated, made a sentence, and so on and so on. I just feel appreciated. 

I am crying a lot now. 

I am really try hard for many things, and also for learning English because i found it is very harddddd. 

The same thing that I got after Tom appreciated me the day before, maybe around 10 days ago. 

Why am I crying this hard? 

I do not know, really have no idea why i am doing this. Is it because i felt that i am trying hard and no one know and really understand what was my feelings? 

Its kinda hard to believe in myself often, learning and doubting my self even happened very often. Even though i was walk this far.

Dear myself, thank you, thank you veryyyy much. 

I love you, xoxo. 

Thanks for everything, dear Allah. Alhamdulillah, please hug me always :"

[draft] Teaser to PDT hehehe~~

I started pre-departure training in tears, and I cried on my last day of pre-departure training. 

Being a mom is hard; being a student mom is even harder. Even though I have spent almost 11 years away from home, and sometimes feel crazy handling a toddler and the household, being away from home in a new place as a mother is another season of adaptation. I cried a day before going to Bali and cried in the first week because I felt it was difficult to find a topic and references for my problem-solving paper. I just felt I wanna going back home as early as possible, do my routine, and handle my editing project as well. However, the uncomfortable zone is a place of growth, so I had to take my responsibility. 

Applying for scholarships was my husband's idea after he observed (he said) my potential. I never thought about my master's or even doctoral program when I was in an ideal state. After joining a summer school back in 2016, it just left my thoughts to not continue my studies because of the difficulty in understanding and adapting to all the new things (and at that time, so many science topics). Back then, my husband was accidentally laid off from his job (because of winter tech), and he supported me in learning IELTS. After many dramas and not-so-easy journey, Long story short, the day has come. My application for AAS was successful, and here I am, on my last day of pre-departure training. 

I really learned a lot and admire my teacher so much. His interest in teaching really boosts our knowledge, mindset, and skills to adapt on the later day of 

 The Day is Hard

When Quilbot Read My Assignment

 

Captured by Yudith because she has quilbot account.

this is the checking of my academic report assignment, while at first i am so nervous, getting 0% in plagiarism and AI detector such as a big things for me :") 

Appreciation

 "Well done. You must be working very hard. So, good job!"

Huhu thanks. You made my day even after ashar I feel I had no more energy to continue this. 

Thank you, Tom. 

Week 4 Day 2

 Academic writing is going to end. 

Realize that my next IELTS test would be here. 

*Sigh

At the moment i loved to being here, in the same time the end is coming :") 

-capek banget ternyata sore ini, mulai ngga fokus dan ... yah begitulah

Curhatan Menjelang Guest Lecture yang Baru Rampung 21:45 WITA

At a point, I understand why some people choose to marry. Just reflection, without tend to generalize, at a time, someone feels the need for another one who can be his/her reflection. A person who shared same value, the same principle, the same destination. 

At a time I felt alienated than others, I missed bestie who shared same value (even I know it is not my husband who shared all same things). I am not wrong, actually. However, the environment is different than my usual environment. Knowing that only limited people who have same value with you somehow makes them so precious. Even, it is difficult. 

Mau ngomong panjang, tapi jujur capek, ARC juga belum kelar huhu

Respect

Nat looked nervous. She knew she had avoided something. I realized her gesture. 

Gim realized Nat's friend was coming. He reflexively find Nat ... and just a second, he consciously realized that he should not. 

Nat told me that she felt wrong ... and a little bit guilty. 

I realized one thing.

"It is not love, Nat. It is respect."

===

Just for a long, long time, I did not got any idea about adult short story. Today, I met diverse people with their own background. This environment looked unusual for me actually. However, i trust it is the best Allah gave for me. 

It might become many ideas of writings, my dear Fitri. 

Love, xoxo.

Tutup Usia

 I suppose that my pre departure training story will be full of happiness and new experiences or something related to the challanges back to academic activities. At least at the first post. However, it turns out to ... ummm ... sad story? I don't really know. 

Today, Santos left the class. Took a quite long time. After he came in and we mixed the group, he went out from the class,, came in again, and suddenly wrap up his bag and went out. Left the class with many questions. 

It turns out, his mother died. 

My chest is filled with sadness, obviously. I just imagine how Santos was feeling.  It is quite hard, right? 

However, we should continue the class. 

After all schedules was finished, we came to Santos' boarding house. His eyes were red, leaving traces of tears. We came one by one to Santos and showed our deep condolences. Christine arranged a gocar for him to the airport. Santos' house is in Lembata. It's kinda of weird transportation system that from Bali to NTT should pass Jakarta and transit for 5 hours first. However in this situation, we trust that it is the best options for him. 

After that, we gonna walk to the canteen. And, we cry. Adila said it must dig our own hurt in the past. I do not know. Maybe it's true. But i reflecting myself honestly and did not get the answer. Fortunately that my family is still complete. I ask myself. Is it because I feel reflected every children who face the difficulties through the death of their close family member, supposed to be their mom or dad? Or i feel how sad Santos will be? Or I just remember the sadness of death such as Pak Y and F, my friend;s dearest daughter. Imam who sits in front of me cried too. Somehow I just guess that he is sad because he remember his dad who had died when he is 8 years old. Turns out at the end, when Kak Weda hug him, he said that, he afraid that he lost his mom too. I just remmeber is it also my feelings? I am the only one who had family as nuclear family. I am tdoay not just a daughter, but also sisters, mother, and wife at the same time. This might make me had afraid to lost them? I do not really know. 

The things that I know is my feeling is really deep and sorrow.